Oddball

The stripy blazer doesn’t match the pants

belonging to his suit, the Hush Puppies

worn for comfort, the rain mac — once his aunt’s —

tied by a length of string. Chelsea yuppies

mistake him for a shuffling derelict

on the Embankment, where he hums and sings

Cole Porter and recites some lines he’s picked

from ‘Ode to Joy’ and Idylls of the King.

He’s not a child-molester nor a wife-

abuser but a Nobel Laureate

in astrophysics, Chancellor for Life

of Oxford and a Patron of the Tate.

His mistresses have had six kids in toto.

Rush Not to Judgment is his family motto.