Sunday
Am shattered from lugging huge bag of policies around. Felt like asking Mr Gove what exactly he’d put in his blasted School Reforms, but just about controlled self. Plus, the poor girls working for Gids are having to cope with a Mulberry hold-all each of tax cuts so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. Anyway, was already tired and emotional when Mrs May got up on stage in her leopard-patterned wellies. As if it’s not bad enough that I’ve forgotten to pack my London Sole sequinned ballet pumps, I now have to go rummaging around Blackpool for designer wellingtons. I simply couldn’t be more stressed. Am also v worried about these tax cuts. It’s all very well for Jed to say it doesn’t mean we’re right-wing, but it just feels, well, right-wing …in a very real sense. Have just dropped hold-all in lobby of hotel. Turns out bag was full of research showing the connection between the wearing of blazers and high exam scores. Even nice Mr Gove has gone disciplinarian! Clearly will now have to drown sorrows at series of pointless fringe events, followed by seafront karaoke. It shouldn’t have to be this way.
Monday
Definitely something strange going on. At lunchtime Jed sent Mr Letwin out to say that drug pushers were victims who needed love. Heard Nigel saying: ‘Why bother? We’re all Thatcherites now.’ To which Jed replied: ‘I can’t just let go like that. I need time, man.’ Nipped out to look for wellies, but entire town barricaded off thanks to our defence stunt. Turns out you can’t drive a decrepit tank through a town centre without annoying the police. Personally, I wouldn’t have used a company called Tanks-A-Lot.
Highlight of day — secret meeting with Dave in which he revealed the election was definitely going to be called on Friday! Or else Monday.
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