Not with a bang but with a whimper

Bang! A brand new theatre has opened on the South Bank managed by the two Nicks, Hytner and Starr, who ran the National for more than a decade. Located near a river crossing, their venture bears the unexciting name ‘Bridge’. If these two adopted a child, they’d call it ‘Orphanage’. Visitors approach along the Thames embankment and arrive at a soaring cliff of glass whose revolving doors usher them into a large anonymous foyer. It feels like a student union bar or a bit of an airport. Dangling from the ceiling are dozens of light bulbs, their radiance muted with tea-stained shades that cast an absolving glow over facelifts, hairpieces and liver spots.

The performing area is a sort of Dorfman replica with the stalls expanded laterally to twice the size of the original. The 900 seats, made of leather and cloth, are comfortable and non-squeaky. Look down and you’ll see black lino speckled with Pollock-y blotches that might have been reclaimed from a Jobcentre.