Nobody lives

In a large entry you divided almost exactly equally between Pepyses and Pooters. I suppose that one of the differences between the two diarists was that Pepys was a ‘somebody’ who generally got things right while Pooter wasn’t and didn’t. Basil Ransome-Davies was spot-on — with Pooter flattered by lots of letters inviting him to become ‘a valued customer’ and offering him loans: ‘it is gratifying to know that I have a trustworthy reputation’. I also liked Peter Meldrum’s Pepys asking at the Admiralty about ‘our sailors captured in Persia’ — were they much hurt? ‘No, Sir, they are writing their diaries for publication.’ The winners below get £25 each while the extra fiver goes to Bill Greenwell.

What a capital invention Television is. At all hours of the day, and, by-the-by, the night, I watch ‘the news’, of which there is abundant supply. This enables me to discuss the world with drivers of the motorised hansom-cabs, whenever I go to the City.