Never mind VAR – this is a fabulous World Cup | 30 June 2018

Let’s talk about VAR, why don’t we? We love the World Cup though the football is getting bonkers. The scoring of a goal or a penalty decision or just a foul is merely a starting point for negotiation, as players compete to be the quickest with the ‘check the TV’ hand signals after every tiny incident. You can pop out for a cup of tea and come back to find the whole landscape of the game has changed, with the course of the match rewritten like Bobby Ewing’s murder in the 1980s. ‘I thought South Korea were five goals down?’ ‘No, that didn’t really happen: they’re 2-1 up now but down to nine men.’

Or ‘And in breaking news the judicial inquiry into several retrospective penalty claims by Saudi Arabia in their first group match is expected to be published early next month. The referee’s decision to blow the final whistle in tonight’s game has been temporarily rescinded and the announcement of the final result is still pending.