Steven Berkoff

Needs

issue 27 May 2006

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Our needs are really very mild,
so please don’t be too critical,
if we just crave a little seal,
to decorate our winter coat.
Don’t show those bloody, mashed-
up cubs,
it spoils our pleasure, gives us guilt
to see the virgin snow stained red,
and quite distressing for the kids.
We love our s.u.v. so much,
it’s big and strong and rules the
road,
don’t tell us how we heat the globe,
it spoils the little fun we have.
The ice-cap melting’s not our fault,
it’s all those planes that stain the
sky,
of course we like to fly each year
but global warming’s not our fault,
the scientists will find a way,
to make those jolly ice-caps stay.
I really love my snakeskin boots,
and now you say it’s very cruel,
but snakes are really slimy brutes
and now they’re farmed, so it’s ok,
and men must make a living anyway.
And oh those shocking, violent
thugs
who love the animals more than us
and want to stop us using them
to test the latest wondrous drug.
When






























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