My turbulent flight with the hen do crew

‘Oggy oggy oggy!’ shouted the Italian flight attendant over his intercom, and all the hen party ladies on the plane squealed with delight. I’m a nervous flier, so as I strapped myself into my seat I was already hyperventilating. It was not ideal that I was sharing my flight from London to Cork with a hen party and a head steward who was acting like he was off his rocker.

The blonde girl in the seat next to me was giggling and shouting to her friends, and jumping up and down in her seat. I was about to tell her she really was going to have to stop doing that when she said: ‘We’ve been in the Wevverspoons in the departure lounge all afternoon! I’m absolutely wasted!’

I mean, look, it’s Ryanair, and while I love Ryanair because it’s so reliable and cheap, you get what you get. Also, if you’re Antonio the flight attendant on a basic wage, you are going to go for it when 25 drunk women on a hen do get on your plane on a Saturday night.

‘I fly this a-route-a twice a day every day,’ said Antonio, apparently now telling us his troubles, and starting to sound emotional, ‘so I-a hope-a you have a very good a-flight with us and we all gonna have a good time together…’ His address cut off. I think a colleague had snatched the mic off him.

A few seconds later, he came back on: ‘I wanna say I hope you enjoy yourself tonight and maybe if you like my jokes you can record me and put me on TikTok and make me famous!’ Cheers from the ladies.

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He started joking about how he was sure the plane was going to get to Cork early because the pilot was going to take a few short cuts… pause for audience laughter… ‘Blown there in half the time, more like,’ I muttered, because we were flying a day after the worst storm in memory.