My sky-blue 50mg Viagra tablet fell on to the floor. ‘Do you need to get that?’ she said – Jeremy Clarke

I’d booked a private one-to-one session with her for an hour on the afternoon of the day she flew in. I’d booked it casually, thoughtlessly, on a recommendation, a month in advance, unaware of her reputation. I’d dutifully filled in the form she sent me, circling problem areas on a drawn representation of my body, and mailed it back. It was only as the appointment drew near that I began to take heed, when overhearing talk at the yoga centre, of the excitement at the imminent arrival from across the pond of the great Linda Strong (as we’ll call her). The impression was of a St Paul scheduled to visit Antioch for a few weeks to whip the faithful into shape.

The day, then the hour, of our private session came. I arrived at the yoga centre in a lather after driving like a maniac to get there on time and sprinting up the hill.