My Icelandic holiday with Kevin and Perry

I’m currently on holiday in Iceland. I say ‘holiday’, but I’m with my three teenage sons so it’s more like being a supply teacher on a school trip. The scenery looks like a series of illustrations in a geography textbook – volcano, tectonic plate, glacier – but so far the boys aren’t impressed.

‘Every day is the same,’ said 17-year-old Ludo. ‘We wake up, drive somewhere, go on a walk, take pictures of a waterfall or a lava field, then walk back again.’ This produced murmurs of agreement. I told them they’d enjoy the sightseeing more if they looked up from their phones occasionally, but I don’t think this cut through. As we hiked across a mountain range on Monday to bathe in a hot spring, 15-year-old Freddie continued reading a graphic novel on his phone. When I asked him if he was ever going to read a real book, he defiantly told me it was about the unification of China in the 3rd century bc. ‘It’s actually really interesting,’ he said.

The only time their phones have been prised from their hands was when we spent the afternoon at Sky Lagoon in Reykjavik on Sunday. This is a more upmarket version of the Blue Lagoon, Iceland’s most popular tourist attraction. You change into your swimming costume, then embark on a seven-step rejuvenation programme involving a massive geothermal spa, an icy plunge pool, a sauna, cold mist, a full body scrub, a steam room and then back into the giant hot tub. In truth, the boys might have looked up occasionally even if they hadn’t had to leave their phones behind, because everywhere you looked there were beautiful Icelandic girls in bikinis.

Caroline and I entertained ourselves by alerting them every time some blonde goddess hove into view.