My eye-opening mini-break in Hull

Given how difficult it is to arrange an overseas holiday, I thought I’d take Charlie and Freddie, my two youngest, to the north-east for a mini-break. Admittedly, not the most glamorous of locations, but we had a reason to be there: QPR were playing two away games on the spin, the first in Hull, the second in Middlesbrough. We planned to take the train to Hull in time for Saturday’s match, hire a car, drive along the coast, stopping at Scarborough and Whitby on the way, and arrive in Middlesbrough for Wednesday night’s game. Then it would be back to London the following day.

Seeing a less affluent part of the country was an eye-opener for Charlie. I don’t mean the devastation left by the decline of Britain’s manufacturing industries; rather, he was surprised by how similar the north-east is to London.

‘I didn’t know they had Sainsbury’s outside England,’ he said, staring at a superstore in Hull.

‘We’re in England, you numpty,’ I said.

‘I didn’t know they had Sainsbury’s outside England,’ my son said, staring at a superstore in Hull

This became a running gag, with Charlie expressing mock astonishment each time he spotted a well-known high-street brand ‘outside England’. It wasn’t the absence of these chain stores that differentiated the north-east from London, but the lack of attractive alternatives. There were plenty of shops below these familiar names in the retail hierarchy — but not many above. Where were the Italian delis, the artisanal bakeries, the organic greengrocers? In a coffee shop in Scarborough I made the mistake of asking for a cortado and when the man behind the counter looked puzzled, I explained it was halfway between a double macchiato and a flat white.