My approach to wine? Wishful drinking

I fancy myself as a bit of an oenophile and during the lockdowns, when my local branch of Majestic was forced to close, I joined The Wine Society and started buying wine from a variety of online sellers such as Vivino and Goedhuis & Co. The upshot is that I get three or four emails a day from these companies and have become an expert in deconstructing their sales patter. The common theme is to coddle the self–deception of the buyers that they aren’t full-blown alcoholics – heaven forfend! – but are obsessed with wine for some other, entirely respectable reason.

For instance, Goedhuis is currently promoting a ‘platinum selection for the Jubilee weekend’ on the assumption that its customers are going to be hosting garden parties this bank holiday. To ‘kick things off in style’, it recommends a magnum of Paul Goerg Blancs de Blanc champagne (£65), although a bottle of Chablis 1er Cru Vaillons from Billaud-Simon (£30) ‘is everything an elegant garden gathering deserves’.