Movember, mo’ problems

I’m currently growing a moustache to raise money for various charities associated with men’s health — or ‘doing the Movember thing’, to use the official terminology. I’m not enjoying the experience. I was a blond child and what’s left of my hair is mousy brown, but my moustache is ginger. That’s right, ginger. I look like a lower-middle-class spiv, circa 1948.

To make matters worse, I can’t persuade anyone to sponsor me. So far, I’ve raised a grand total of £60, but even that paltry amount means I can’t shave it off until 30 November. As Caroline said, ‘Wouldn’t it have been easier to just donate £60 to a prostate cancer charity and not bother with the moustache?’ She then added, ‘You do realise I’m not going to kiss you for a month?’

God knows what possessed me to do it. Part of it was vanity. I somehow convinced myself that I might actually look better with a moustache.