Penny Mordaunt makes her Christmas appeal

To 2 Lord North Street, SW1, home of the Institute of Economic Affairs. Once it was the likes of Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng that were feted here, but last night there was a new queen in town. Penny Mordaunt, the leader of the House, swept in with all her magnificent curls, to be the star turn at this year’s IEA Christmas shindig. To much applause from her ‘pen pals’ in the audience, Mordaunt regaled the crowd with a parody of It’s a Wonderful Life.

In the world envisaged by Mordaunt, Ed Miliband won the 2015 election to be succeeded by prime minister Corbyn and all the horrors that would have entailed. In such a parallel world, ‘levelling up’ is merely the name of a nightclub in Camden and Boris is still mayor of London, arming the capital with water cannons aplenty. Mordaunt ended on a rousing note, declaring:

‘I remember Labour’s record – that is why I’m sticking around, to fight the next election…Enjoy your Christmas, get some rest and sharpen your pens because we are not done.