Metal fatigue

Iron Man 2
12A, Nationwide

Iron Man 2 is a mighty dog’s dinner, which would be OK — or, as my dog Mr Woofie puts it, ‘Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it’ — but it is also fantastically boring. It’s the sort of boredom that starts at pore level and then seeps its way, via the lymph system, down into the very marrow of your bones. It’s the sort of boredom that makes you sad to be alive. It’s the entire axis of boredom. It’s the boredom that accrues when an incoherent plot, flimsy characters, a dumb script and an excess of CGI fighting nonsense all gang up on you. I think even Mr Woofie would have found Iron Man 2 boring and his standards, when it comes to any kind of entertainment, are quite low. ‘I’m happy just to bark at a bush,’ he says. ‘I’d even consider that a good day.’