Just the three resolutions for me. I am keeping it simple. Number one: no more boyfriends. The definition of insanity is repeating the same mistake while expecting a different result and I have been repeating this particular mistake for 42 years.
The truth is, I cannot do romance. I am elated to finally discover this and move on. The evening after it all finished with the builder, a friend rang me to see if I was alright. His tone intimated he thought I might have my head in the oven. In fact, I had my meal-for-one in the oven and I was in the best mood I had been in for several years.
‘How are you coping?’ asked the friend, his voice grave with compassion.
‘Fantastic!’ I whooped. ‘Did you know you can get little fish pies for £3.99 from Waitrose? I bought a bag of salad and some garlic bread on special offer and so my whole meal has come to less than a fiver!’
‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ he said. I think he thought I had gone manic. I have a friend who goes manic. In between depressions, she comes up so high she does things like wing-walking on planes as they loop the loop.
But I was deadly serious. ‘It’s amazing! I just bought this meal and put it in the oven and now I’m reading my book and listening to Handel’s Messiah on the old Dynatron I dug out of the attic, and I have nothing and nobody to worry about!’
‘Hmm,’ he said. ‘I think I’ll check on you tomorrow morning.’
But the next morning I was even happier: ‘It’s incredible! I’ve just had my breakfast and the entire cafetière full of coffee was mine, all mine, and now I’m going to spend the day doing exactly what I need to do.
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