A crazy woman is living inside my head. It’s not just the normal crazy woman who camps out there from time to time and argues about parking tickets. It’s a new crazy woman who thinks she can avoid parking tickets by fighting men in the street. Physically, with her bare hands. Is this what they mean by ‘empowerment’?
You will feel wonderfully empowered, they keep telling me. They being women who have been through the change of life before me. Well, all I can say is, if I go on getting any more empowered I am going to wind up in jail.
In my latest adventure, I picked a fight with two burly cab drivers who were blocking the road outside my house. And just to be clear, I haven’t been taking any kind of testosterone supplement, which is apparently an option. Personally, I can’t see how it can be at all legal to give an aggression-related hormone to a woman who is already turning into an ape, but there we are.
Readers who have very kindly written to me with suggestions of how I might navigate my way around this awkward juncture have suggested many different cocktails, plant and artificial, and I have taken note of them all. But the one thing I’m pretty sure I don’t need is something to pump me up. And when you hear about this I’m sure you will agree with me.
I was sitting in the back of the slowest cab in the world, which was attempting to drive me from the Sky studios in Isleworth to my home in Balham via, for some reason, Sheen. Now, of course, if the driver had asked me I would have told him to avoid the A205.
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