Me in Who’s Who? Until I see the 2008 edition, I’ll assume it’s a hoax

When the letter arrived last April I thought it was a joke. ‘Dear Sir,’ it began. ‘On behalf of the publishers A & C Black, I am very pleased to invite you to compile an entry for the forthcoming edition of Who’s Who . . .’

Was this a cruel prank being perpetrated by the editors of the Guardian’s G2 section? In a couple of weeks’ time, the ‘entry’ I had submitted would appear alongside those of other ‘luminaries’ they had gulled into playing along such as Jordan and Vernon Kay. This unforgivable act of vanity would then haunt me for years to come, with my father-in-law producing the article every Christmas Day and reading out the ‘entry’ to my extended family. After much hilarity, he would return the article to his pocket and say, ‘Maybe next year, Tobes.’

The obvious thing to do was call up A & C Black and check, but as I began to dial I suddenly had a terrible thought.