Mary Sue, I hate you!

Christmas means different things to different people; for Mary Sue, it will be yet another excuse to queen it over her friends. Her Christmas pudding will have been made from scratch, her carefully curated tree decorations will tell myriad stories of a perfect home life, her tasteful National Trust Christmas cards will have been sent out on 1 December. To queen it over her acquaintances, enemies and admirers, rather – for Mary Sues have no friends. They’re far too awful.

Do you know a Mary Sue – a self-adoring paragon of virtue who can only ever admit to faults which are actually boasts in disguise? Mary Sues are ‘perfectionists’ or ‘too passionate’ – but never, ever lazy or liars, envious or spiteful. In job interviews, asked for their worst quality, they’ll simper ‘I’m too conscientious’. Other giveaways are ‘I’ve only made one huge mistake in my life – I once thought I was wrong about something, but it turned out I wasn’t’ and ‘My fault is that I tell it like I see it – I’ll say it to your face, not behind your back’ and ‘My greatest weakness is my sensitivity.’