The Schooner Scorer is a young man in a gilet with good bone structure, who glugs 2/3rd pints (schooners) in one fluid unbuttoning of the oesophagus.
This is a talent. Or at least, it is a thing; 440ml is not exactly a yard of ale. Even Therese Coffey could manage a full pint. But if we are all to be famous for 60 seconds on TikTok, we must be famous for something, and it is almost as though SS took a life inventory: ‘What do I enjoy? Drinking beers in widely known taverns. Well then, that shall be my calling.’
Each video is inaugurated by his catchphrase: ‘Schooner Scorer here, sixty second snippet, scoring a schooner…’
At the French House in Soho, he is already several sheets to the wind by the time he raises a schooner of a French cider whose name he can no longer recall.
Dressed in Patrick Bateman-tier stockbroker togs at the 411 Bar in Angel, he pots a Pravha from the taps. ‘Lovely
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