Low life: Why on earth does a DIY store need a ‘greeter’?

‘Good morning, sir!’ said Wendy: black shirt, green craftsman’s apron. The idea of having a person loitering by the entrance to greet and welcome the customer has spread from trendy California-based clothing-chain outlet Hollister to the DIY megastores. Whereas the Hollister’s fashionable fluffers are nature’s last word on female pulchritude, Wendy’s attraction was that she probably does what it says on the tin, and would be a lot more comfortable to lie on.

I was acting chauffeur for two elderly cousins, combined age 174, both unsteady on their feet, listing to port, disoriented, flatulent, myopic, deaf, inarticulate, forgetful, yet hell-bent on shopping for garden furniture.  I shooed them in through the automatic sliding doors, and on past the effusive Wendy.  It was a table and chairs they were seeking, ideally made of illegally logged rainforest timber, assembled by indentured labour, and sold on to the general public for next to nothing.