Low Life | 21 March 2009

I’ve come into some money. Twenty grand. Nice. Best not to shove it straight in my permanently overdrawn current account, though, I thought. My laptop is riddled with computer viruses. It would be just my luck if, after holding off for years, the hackers strike the moment I go into the black. So I decided I’d open a new current account with a different bank and put the money in there while I decided how to spend it.

More or less at random I took the cheque to a branch of the Alliance & Leicester in the high street. There were no other customers. As I approached her window, the cashier was staring out of the window at the empty high street, stupefied with boredom. Her mouth sagged open to let out a yawn, none came, and she shut it again.

I’d like to open an account and deposit a cheque for £20,000, I said.