Jeremy Clarke Jeremy Clarke

Low life | 19 July 2018

The waiter and I goggled at Atticus’s dispassionate analysis and the Orwellian language in which it was couched

issue 21 July 2018

Saturday morning. Quarter to 12. Sit-down fish and chips at the Silver Grill: me, Oscar and Oscar’s cousin Atticus. Atticus lives with Oscar because his life is arranged by social workers and the courts. He is a year younger than Oscar, which is to say seven, and they share a bedroom with another, older boy. This is Atticus’s first weekend with Oscar’s grandfather (me) acting as host and entertainments officer, and it could be termed an experiment. The relationship between Atticus’s little bottom and the seat of his chair suggests opposing magnetic fields.

‘And what to drink?’ said the waiter. ‘Tango or Fruit Shoot?’ Atticus chose Tango. Oscar peached that fizzy sugary drinks send Atticus off his rocker. Atticus agreed. ‘Sometimes, if I have too much sugar, I behave unacceptably,’ he confessed. ‘So ifI ask for sweets or a fizzy drink, and I’m not allowed any, then I accept that.’ The waiter and I frankly goggled at this seven-year-old state-run child’s dispassionate analysis, and the faintly Orwellian language in which it was couched.

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