We held a small party to celebrate the news that the UK had seen its largest rise in population in 50 years: a jump of 1 per cent in only 12 months to a respectable total of 68.3 million people. Just crisps and soft drinks, you understand. Nothing wildly extravagant. All patriots feel proud of the speed with which our numbers have been rising of late, because naturally we wish for the UK to be the biggest and best in the world – and we are on our way.
The rights of the likes of Ardit outweigh the rights of the rest of us not to be burgled
At the current rate of increase, the populations of Turkey, Iran and Thailand could be surpassed within a dozen or so years, although we have a way to go before we catch up with the real big boys, like Bangladesh. Our canny policy of allowing into the country anybody who wants to come, especially if they are from some maniacal, fly-blown, Stone-Age-desert theocracy and would quite like to kill us, is paying dividends.
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