Lib Dem polarity

For the Lib Dems this was the first day of the afterlife. Booted off the AV-train which was supposed to fast-track them to power, the minority party now looks politically homeless. Everyone in parliament makes jokes about them but the gags never raise a laugh. Pity intervenes. At today’s session Ed Miliband was haranguing Cameron for ‘dumping on’ his ministers as soon as their policies run into trouble when he broke off to indulge in a Lib Dem-kicking moment which he felt would cheer his troops. ‘And the poor deputy prime minister,’ chortled Miliband, ‘gets dumped on every day of the week!’ Sad laughter followed. No one’s heart was in it. Mocking Clegg is like throwing a wet sponge at a man with a fractured skull.

For a year, the Lib Dem leadership has been silent at PMQs. Nick Clegg’s vocal chords must be shrivelling up with disuse. Every Wednesday he has to sit beside the PM, meek and mute, trying to show his supporters how ferociously independent he is by nodding slightly, but not too much, when Cameron outlines government measures, or by curling a queasy lip whenever his Tory master praises a policy the Lib Dems dislike.