Let’s talk about sex | 19 April 2018

In Competition No. 3044 you were invited to provide a lesson in the facts of life courtesy of a well-known character in fiction.
 
There is space only for me to commend Jayne Osborn, who recruited Dr Seuss: ‘Doing sex is good fun, and it’s easy to do./ Let me demonstrate, using Thing One and Thing Two…’ and salute the prizewinners below, who each receive £25.

As any fule kno, gurls are utterly wet and weedy and no boy in his rite mind wish to speke or pla with them. This is why they are kept in there own skools with names lik gingham hall, where they will not hav to witness the savige antiks of boys and we will not be driven madd by there silvery giggles.
 
But when our skooling is finished and st custards spew us forth into the wurld, we will be expected lik other generashuns befor us to sukum to marriage and even sektual interkorse, which sound revolting beyond imajinashun, tho my grate frend Peason hav mags with nakid piktures that sa it is kwite the wheeze.