Keir can thank God for Kemi

Robots will never replace Sir Keir Starmer. No need. Silicon Valley is already using him as the template for an army of cloned officials to be sold worldwide.

The Starmer App was on display at PMQs as he answered planted questions at the start of the session. A tame backbencher said the word ‘train station.’ ‘We’re taking railway services back into public ownership,’ parroted Sir Keir, ‘and making ticketing better and fairer.’ A second MP said ‘teachers.’ ‘Skilling up the next generation is vital to economic growth,’ came the auto-reply. Up stood the Tory leader, Kemi Badenoch, and she had targets aplenty to choose from. The government is reeling. Two questionable resignations have piled pressure on Sir Keir who is trying to ‘stabilise the economy’ in the same way that Vesuvius stabilised Pompeii. 

Kemi brought up ‘borrowing costs’ and she begged Sir Keir not to use the Tories or ‘global factors’ as an excuse.