Downloading the Valuation Office Agency’s no-longer-secret £13 million database, I find that having lived in my house for the past 50 years and having, for those five decades, diligently paid my income and council taxes, my home is about to become my misfortune because of so-called taxable amenities. Using the Freedom of Information Act I find that another 94,373 households are listed as having a view of sorts; a further, whopping 777,189 householders have been covertly assessed as having the gall to improve their property by adding on a conservatory and will be liable for a retrospective tax.
I have discovered that unless this massively incompetent bunch of losers and dubious expense claimants on both sides of the House is exterminated at the next election, I will be penalised for possessing: (a) what is listed as a ‘general scenic view’ — something I have painstakingly made by my own labours; (b) partial view of a lake; (c) double glazing; (d) a garage capable of taking two cars; (e) a balcony up to five square metres; (f) a tennis court (I installed mine 39 years ago); (g) a family house in a quiet road; (h) a modest patio (from which I admire the aforesaid general scenic view of my garden; and (i) a crumbling greenhouse already here when I purchased the house.
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