It shouldn’t be a crime to sniff a goshawk

I notice that the naturalist Chris Packham has been reported to the police for the ‘crime’ of sniffing a goshawk. I had not known that this was an offence – if I had known, I would not do it quite so often, or at worst, made sure nobody was watching me as I approached the birds, tumescent, in my anorak. Goshawks are diurnal, so night-time does offer the opportunity for a good sniff when they are asleep in their nests. The problem is they are also quite rare, largely due to persecution from gamekeepers and, no matter how you dress it up, snorting the scent of a more widespread raptor, such as a kestrel, does not provide quite the same thrill. Packham sniffed his goshawk live on television, and someone who hates him for his politics reported him to the filth.

The police are bound to take action, because Packham was unfortunate enough to have sniffed the bird the day after our Home Secretary, Suella Braverman, announced that henceforth the police would investigate every reported crime instead of just telling the victims to get stuffed and lump it, which is what happened before. This was portrayed by the government as ‘getting tough on crime’, but it struck me as being futile grandstanding. All Suella did was tell the coppers to take all crimes seriously, i.e. show a bit of interest in their work, but there was no suggestion as to how this aspiration would be realised. As the BBC jubilantly pointed out, over and over, if the police are to investigate every handbag theft then they will have less time to investigate other crimes – unless police numbers are drastically increased.