It’s so unfair

Is it really a six-figure salary? Only, this time last year it wouldn’t have seemed worth it, but now it’s looking almost as attractive as a job in the public sector. I think I might have to go for it. ‘Step up to the plate,’ as I must learn to say, if I’m to stand any chance whatsoever. There’s a place going spare at the moment, too, so it’s not totally unfeasible. I could actually be Sir Alan’s new Apprentice.

Then again, no. For a man of such tremendous supposed business acumen and shrewd character judgment, Sir Alan has never been much cop at picking the right candidate. He’s unhealthily drawn to spivvy chancers like Michael Sophocles, and rough diamonds like the CV-tweaking Neanderthal who won the last series. Also, given his hard-man image, he’s surprisingly vulnerable to a bit of Dickensian sentiment, which is why he gave the series-before-last to that drippy, slightly creepy, but with-a-great-back-story Michelle girl rather than the infinitely more meritorious Ruth Badger.