It’s not an Equitable Life, Henry

When Equitable Life is no more – and it won’t be long before the death bell tolls – there will be a belter of a book to be written about all the shenanigans that have taken place at the mutual.

Although the savings institution goes back more than 250 years, it is the last 20 years that are the most entertaining and lurid.

Over this period, customers’ savings have been pillaged, policyholder has been pitted against policyholder, greed and incompetence have shone in the boardroom (nothing new there, ed) and there have been love affairs at the highest level (a certain former chief executive falling in ravenous love with a secretary half his age).

Throw in Pussy Galore (disgruntled policyholder and distinguished actress Honor Blackman) and a monumental battle for justice and you have the makings of a thriller. Patrick Marber could even turn the book into a racy screenplay fit for the National Theatre (I’ve met his delightful mother so I might have a word in her shell-like).