Is Liz Truss a real grown-up?

Tough call today for Liz Truss. She had to relaunch her premiership at her very first conference as leader. She walked on stage to the sound of the disco hit Moving On Up and for a horrific moment it looked as if she might do the Maybot dance. Luckily she remained still. To greet the applauding Tories she wore a smirk that seemed curiously poised between self-doubt and self-love. ‘I quite can’t believe I’m here – but I’m fabulous anyway.’ She’d chosen a stylish frock of mud-brown and sported the notorious necklace – with a zero dangling from its gold rivets – which is said to reflect her chances of winning a general election.

She got into the personal stuff straight away. Oppression was integral to her childhood, she told us. Poor Liz. She was raised ‘in the 1980s and 1990s’ and she’s haunted by the ‘boarded up shops and the people left with no hope turning to drugs.’