Robin Hood
12A, Nationwide
Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood is ‘the untold story of the man behind the legend’, and if it had remained untold I do not think it would have been a tragedy. At nearly two and a half hours it is horribly long. (If they ever ask me to give a talk at a film school, the first thing I would say to the students is: kids, if you can’t tell a story in 90 minutes, go open a kebab shop.) The dialogue is often mumbled and unfathomable, which may be in its favour, but how would I know? It is serious to a fault. Russell Crowe, as Robin, lacks warmth and charisma and wit but at least makes up for it with…nope, nothing. And the pounding, overamplified soundtrack is so unrelenting that I wanted to say what my mother always said and I swore I wouldn’t: ‘What do I have to do to get some peace around here?’
This is a prequel, about the Robin that has yet to become the heroic Robin Hood: the one who steals from the rich, gives to the poor and always has a cheese fondue on a Sunday, as some of the legends have it.
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