Spectator competition winners: lines on a young lady’s Instagram

In Competition No. 3138 you were invited to submit a poem entitled ‘Lines on a Young Lady’s Instagram’. Thanks to David Jones, who suggested this challenge, a nod to Philip Larkin’s 1953 ‘Lines on a Young Lady’s Photograph Album’ from the collection The Less Deceived (‘My swivel eye hungers from pose to pose —/ In pigtails, clutching a reluctant cat;/ Or furred yourself, a sweet girl–graduate…’).

There were echoes of Larkin-esque perviness in the entry, and stalkerish voyeurism, too, courtesy of Nick Syrett’s twist on Betjeman’s ‘A Subaltern’s Love Song’, which appears below. The witty and accomplished winners earn £25 each.

At last your smart account accepted me,A newbie in the ranks of insta-snaps:Nosey, I had a peek beneath its wraps —The videos I had not thought to see:All too amusing, or amused, perhaps.Here you are, for instance, with a jawDrivelling blood — a horror-film prostheticThat looks like death. Is all this weird cosmeticYour vision of fun? Alas, I can’t ignoreThe tattoo shots: they all seem so synthetic.And