‘They’re going to have to stop cows,’ said my mother, looking doubtfully down at her plate as we tucked into a roast dinner.
It was not like her to come over all veganistic, but she had been watching the BBC where she had got hold of the idea that cows might have to be banned because ‘they can’t stop them breaking wind’.
Put the entire working population on veganism for a week and see what happens
And nor should they, said I, cutting off a juicy slice to push into my mouth, the builder boyfriend and my father also chomping away as we sat around my parents’ dining table.
I wish the BBC wouldn’t do this. If they can’t say something logical, they should not say anything at all, or at least not charge the entire population a fee for their increasingly weird, niche outpourings.
I am amazed anyone swallows the conspiracy theory that cows are to blame for global warming on the basis that they produce emissions. Apart from anything else, what do we think all the vegans in the world are doing?
If you eat nothing but vegetable matter, you are going to be breaking wind with the best of them.
If we convert the entire planet to a system of plant-based eating, there would be 7.888 billion human digestive systems emitting methane and carbon dioxide until the former cows don’t come home.
Instead of screeching ‘You’ve stolen my childhood!’ 20-year-old Greta Thunberg should be looking up cow numbers (one billion) and people numbers on her iPad mini while she’s sailing a yacht to a climate change event.
People who lecture the world are very odd. Tony Blair claimed the poor should be prevented from eating junk food the other day: don’t let them eat cake.
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