In defence of cows

‘They’re going to have to stop cows,’ said my mother, looking doubtfully down at her plate as we tucked into a roast dinner.

It was not like her to come over all veganistic, but she had been watching the BBC where she had got hold of the idea that cows might have to be banned because ‘they can’t stop them breaking wind’.

And nor should they, said I, cutting off a juicy slice to push into my mouth, the builder boyfriend and my father also chomping away as we sat around my parents’ dining table.

I wish the BBC wouldn’t do this. If they can’t say something logical, they should not say anything at all, or at least not charge the entire population a fee for their increasingly weird, niche outpourings.

I am amazed anyone swallows the conspiracy theory that cows are to blame for global warming on the basis that they produce emissions.