Just because you’re a hypochondriac doesn’t mean you’re not suffering from an obscure and terrible disease which is going to kill you very horribly.
Just because you’re a hypochondriac doesn’t mean you’re not suffering from an obscure and terrible disease which is going to kill you very horribly. That’s why, high on the long list of osteopaths, chiropractors, acupuncturists and other alternative practitioners I spend fortunes on every year, is a miracle worker called Fiona Gross.
In another age, Fiona would surely have been burned as a witch: the things she does with her array of potions baint natural. Just recently, for example, she cured a woman (a successful author) of a mysterious respiratory illness acquired on holiday in Greece. The woman’s GP was flummoxed, as were the various specialists she consulted. So in despair, she went to Fiona — the Sherlock Holmes of inexplicable medical conditions.
Fiona got into the business quite by accident. She was a middle-class north London housewife who suddenly acquired a mission in life when her young daughter broke out in eczema that conventional medicine couldn’t cure. After much reading, research and experimentation, Fiona did cure it, and decided thereafter to make a career of her new-found expertise — which now extends from allergies to anti-ageing.
She cured the author by asking the right questions. Gradually — Greece, holiday, outdoor sneezing — Fiona narrowed down the culprit to olive blossom. She then had some olive blossom sent to a Welsh firm called Ffynnonwen, which made it into a remedial tincture. They can do this with cat hairs, tree pollen, MSG, anything to which you’re allergic or intolerant. The author took the remedy for a week and, lo, her symptoms vanished.
You can imagine how her GP reacted, can’t you? That’s right.
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