If anything is ‘essential’ right now, it’s cigarettes

The owners of my local grocery shop, a mile or so from my house, very kindly sell me cigarettes in blocks of 200 at a time — and they have also delivered them to my house during this lockdown. This is useful for several reasons. Most importantly it aids my self-isolation programme. But it also minimises the risk of me being caught in the shop by a lurking Matt Hancock or perhaps a chief constable of the police, anxious to punish people who may be purchasing goods which they do not consider ‘essential’. If anything is essential during this time of compulsory boredom, it is cigarettes and alcohol. I have stepped up my intake of both by a considerable margin — something which, as far as the fags are concerned, I would not have considered possible before this pandemic struck us all. It goes to show, you can always cram more things into your life, even if it is only cigarettes.