‘I wish her well’: inside Westminster’s secret language

An Apology

An apology is a series of words strung together to absolve one of sins committed in private or in one’s professional life, usually uncovered by a newspaper, which allows one to carry on one’s duties as if nothing had happened, and very often to repeat the sins for which one has apologised. It needn’t be sincere — indeed, that is considered rather poor form — and it is only ever to be used as a measure of last resort. If in doubt, simply apologise for how you have made someone feel rather than the action itself.

“I wish them well”

An expression that loosely translates as “May God damn your eyes and banish you to the frozen wastes of Murmansk for the wrongs you have done me,” unless uttered by Donald Trump, in which case you should really start to worry.

“Once in a generation”

A Scottish expression meaning a period of time lasting no longer than 17 minutes.