I’m not drunk, and I’m not saying that the phone-hacking isn’t a big deal

The same conversation, over and over again. ‘Well, you can’t write about it, can you?’

‘Why not?’

‘Duh! Rupert Murdoch? He wouldn’t let you.’

‘You’re quite right, actually. He called this morning. “There are questions being asked in parliament,” he said. “The BSkyB deal might fall through and Andy Coulson got arrested the other day. But the one thing we’re all worried about, mate, is you writing a whimsical column about it in The Spectator.”’

‘You’re joking!’

‘Yes. I am joking.’

‘Well I don’t find it very funny. A murdered girl’s voicemail? Service families? 9/11 victims? You ought to be ashamed.’

‘Why? I didn’t do it.’

‘Your company did it.’

‘Some people working for a bit of my company did it. And I think they should be sacked, and maybe go to jail. Just like you probably do.’