I’m never happier than when an arts show on TV is cancelled

I am, to paraphrase myself, ‘a freethinking middle aged rock ‘n’ roller, still on the toilet circuit hoping it’s a good walk-up.’ Actually, unless I live to be 99 the bit about being middle aged is rather optimistic. Tomorrow it is my half century birthday, but today I hit the road with my Scottish tour manager Jim bound for Ramsgate – Brexit central control. Kent seaside towns are where it all happens: Ted Heath, satanism, Charlie Hawtrey cottaging in maritime pubs. Time stands still in Kent. It’s a very 21st-century kind of place.

I am booked on a short tour of the UK to celebrate the release of a new four-CD anthology Luke Haines Is Alive And Well And Living In Buenos Aires. My only weapons; an acoustic guitar and a copy of my book Bad Vibes – Britpop and My Part in Its Downfall to do a reading from. Having been forced to get up at 1.15