Taki Taki

I know how Jonny Bairstow feels

Jonny Bairstow walks after being stumped by Alex Carey in the second test. [Visionhaus/Getty] 
issue 15 July 2023

A poor little Greek boy writing about cricket etiquette is like Harry Sussex lecturing on discretion, but never mind. As everyone but Joe Biden knows by now, Jonny Bairstow was given out recently during the second test match at Lord’s. For any of you out in Baja California who might have missed it, the Brit ducked a bouncer and left his crease, thinking the ball was dead. The Aussie keeper threw the ball at the stumps and all hell broke loose as Jonny was called out. For you American fans, the equivalent is a base runner being caught off base by a hidden ball trick, get it?

What is the moral of the story? If a Brit can do it at Badminton, why can’t an Aussie do likewise at Lord’s?

The brouhaha that followed was all about sportsmanship and the spirit of the game and all that. Which brought back memories. It was about 20 or 25 years ago, and the game was between Badminton House and the village. I was – natch – playing for the former. Imran Khan was on our side, with Jemima cheering us on, although the marriage was already on the rocks.

Like the good sport that he is, Imran was not trying hard but was advising me to be careful, as I was getting down like a baseball third baseman and throwing myself after every ball. I had also introduced a Hellenic touch to the game by shouting: ‘Thermopylae, nothing gets through.’ Not everyone found it amusing.

Finally I was the last man up to bat with three or four runs needed to win. After the first wide one, and unaware of the rule, I wandered away for no reason and the keeper did an Aussie and threw the ball at the stumps. The result? Badminton village won and Greek boy wore the fool’s hat.

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