Jo Beecham

I am ready to talk about my death. Is anyone else?

Apparently it’s natural to think about dying, but not to plan your own death

[Getty Images/iStockphoto] 
issue 10 May 2014

It is October 2012 and my ovarian cancer is back. As we wait to see the consultant I say to my best friend, ‘We are going to Mexico this weekend to get that stuff so I can kill myself. We’ll probably get killed by drug barons.’ My consultant says I have three years. I agree to more chemo and ask: ‘Can I go to Mexico?’ She looks baffled.

It is February 2013 and the consultant is discussing hospices. She is eight months pregnant. I don’t tell her about the Mexican barbiturate in the fridge. I do tell the nice hospice counsellor, though. She goes white.

‘The drug dealers seem to have a good reputation.’

She isn’t reassured.

‘It works on large animals and I’m no bigger than a small donkey or a big dog.’

She tells me that I need to have a psychiatric assessment.

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