I am Michael Common*

And so it continues. Not content with discovering “passive” smoking, the health boffins have now discovered something called “third-hand smoking”  – all the better, presumably, to drive the last remaining smokers into the mountains (be they the Rockies or the Western Highlands) where, armed with only our wits, a lighter and a dwindling supply of contraband tobacco, we shall slip from cave to cave, lair to lair, all the while pursued by an army of “health professionals” hell-bent on saving us from ourselves…

*The hero of Michael Heath’s long-running Spectator cartoon strip, The Outlaw, Michael Common is the last, still-persecuted, smoker in England.