How to increase your home’s value – with a sandwich

It is a tenet of neo-liberal economics that there is no such thing as a free lunch. This is obvious baloney. There are free lunches everywhere. The problem is that those free lunches are no longer served to people doing useful work. They are instead handed out to the owners of a few favoured asset classes through untaxed gains. We have created far more tax breaks for rent-seeking than for productive work… and then we wonder why Britain has a productivity crisis.

Under a future Sutherland regime, there would be no tax paid on beer drunk in a pub

I must admit I enjoy a few free lunches myself – literally. I own a small crash-pad in Deal, in what was until recently the undiscovered paradise that is East Kent (suggested slogan: ‘The friendliness of northern England, the climate of northern France’). Every time I arrive, I set off down the high street and splurge on food from several of its many fine delicatessens: heritage tomatoes (£4), olive focaccia bread (£4.95), small-batch coffee (£6.50), that kind of thing. My wife, who has a narrower conception of home economics than I do, will then ask: ‘How much did that all cost?’ And I reply: ‘Nothing at all. In fact I’m probably up on the deal.’

By splashing out on expensive foodstuffs, I help ensure the proliferation of desirable retail outlets in the town. Desirable not only to me but to visitors from London. You see, joining me in the queue for the olive focaccia are two vapid tossers from Fulham visiting for the weekend. And the next day one of them is going to say: ‘Gosh, Jonty, you can buy sourdough here for more than £5 a loaf. I suddenly feel safe. Let’s buy a house here.’ They visit the estate agent next to the place selling hand-crafted orzo, and that’s when my plan pays off.