How to crack election jokes like a Greek

As the party of the lost and the party of the losers square up to each other, the next few weeks bid fair to raise tedium to an excruciating new level. Still, one can always rely on the c. 4,000 epigrams of the Greek Anthology (7th century bc – 6th century ad) to provide some light relief.

‘We arrived at Apelles’ for supper./ He’d stripped his garden bare./ It looked as if he was feeding his sheep,/ Instead of his friends gathered there,/ With radish and lettuce and chicory too,/ And leeks, mint and onions, and basil and rue./ And fearing we’d soon be presented/ with a nourishing helping of hay,/ I ate some half-soaked lupins/ and made my swift getaway.’ (Ammianus)

‘When Moeris said goodnight, she seemed to hold me/ And kiss my lips –and yet, for all I know,/ I dreamed it. I remember all she told me/ And all I said to her, but I can show/ It was a dream: for, if the kiss was given,/ Why am I now on earth, and not in Heaven?’ (Strato, tr.