How should I spend Joe Biden’s money?

I’ve spent nearly my entire adult life working in Britain, but Uncle Sam never forgets about Americans abroad. We can vote in elections. We still file tax returns. And we also, it seems, benefit from Joe Biden’s spending binges. His latest instalment slipped through my letterbox last week: a cheque for $1,400. It’s a stimulus; intended, of course, to rebuild the US economy, but in practice a giveaway for the world.

When the first cheque arrived at the start of this year, I thought it must be a rare glitch in the system: why would the US Treasury want to boost the restaurants of south London? Maybe it was a fake. Donald Trump’s name was stamped at the bottom, which made it resemble Monopoly money. Then last week the second cheque arrived — signed by Vona, the ‘regional distributing officer’ — and I knew something had gone terribly wrong.

It turns out the system works fine: it’s comprehensive enough to find me in London.