Kate Andrews Kate Andrews

How do I know I’m an adult? I’m given unsolicited feedback

Jennifer Aniston in Friends (LMKMEDIA/Alamy) 
issue 30 September 2023

Kate Andrews has narrated this article for you to listen to.

Adulthood was once determined by age, but now we’ve extended childhood far beyond the teenage years. If the government gets its way, the next generation will never grow up: there are reportedly plans to ban cigarette sales to anyone born after 2009. This would mean that, come 2060, 50-year-olds could be begging their elders to pop into the local corner shop to buy them a pack of 20.

We need a new metric of adulthood, and I have a proposal. The real mark is not an age or any particular milestone, it’s really when you receive your first piece of unsolicited feedback. It’s a grim but unavoidable rite of passage: having personal and outlandish comments directed your way, often in such a breezy or casual manner you’d think they were talking about the weather.

It turns out the playground bully has nothing on a grown-up who sees their peers doing things slightly differently

The penny dropped for me recently when I was at dinner with some girlfriends, all of us in our early thirties, all in different stages of life.

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