Here at The Spectator, we take no pleasure in the misfortunes of others.
Here at The Spectator, we take no pleasure in the misfortunes of others. Watching a once great political party flounder in this undignified manner is almost as painful to us as it must be to them. So in the spirit of comradely concern, we asked some of the country’s brightest minds to come up with one idea each to help Labour get back on its feet. Here are their suggestions:
Tony Benn
They must bring back into public ownership essential goods and services necessary for the development of a fair economy.
Boris Johnson
They are stuck with Gordon so they have no choice but to transform him in the public imagination. He must either be filmed rescuing a drowning child, or he must use Christmas to launch a small but victorious war against an unexpected aggressor. Could the Spanish be persuaded to pretend to recapture Gibraltar?
Norman Lamont
Labour’s best bet is to dress up this mirage of a bubble recovery (created by quantitative easing and printing money) as Gordon Brown saving the world’s economy and the banks. They should also seek to outflank the Conservatives on public expenditure cuts, as Ed Balls has realised. And go one stage further: say that neither overseas aid nor the NHS, desirable as they are, can be exempted from public spending cuts in such difficult times. That would be especially awkward for the Tories.
Bryan Gould
Labour should go back to being just plain Labour — give up the ‘New’ and the spin, stop being dazzled by the wealthy, and become again the party committed to social justice, democracy and decent standards in public life. It won’t be enough to win an election, but it will save the party as a credible force in British politics.
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