House rules

In Competition No. 2394 you were invited to supply a rhymed poem offering four parental vetoes on children’s behaviour, followed by four juvenile vetoes on parental behaviour. Exhausted and sleepless, back two days late due to botched air travel, I shall cut the cackle. The prizewinners, printed below, get £20 each, except W.J. Webster, who takes £30. Bon voyage, this summer!

Don’t spend a lifetime watching screens —
There is another world outside.
And music’s best not amplified
Until you can’t hear what it means.
Self-cleaning rooms aren’t Nature’s trick,
So don’t leave litter to decay.
And ‘like’ is a word you shouldn’t say
When it’s just like ‘you know’ a tic.
Don’t think you get away with jeans —
If looks could kill, they’re suicide.
And if you still have any pride,
Don’t ever dance alongside teens.
A movie isn’t called a ‘flick’ —
Those words you use have had their day.
And just accept you’re going grey:
You know that hair that’s dyed looks sick.
W.J.