Homicidal urges

During the wettest July since records began, I was completely dry. As usual, not drinking made me angry and withdrawn. As usual, I had homicidal urges and couldn’t read. And, as usual, cleaning and polishing was the only way I could distract myself. I cleaned and polished the floors, windows, furniture, tools, ornaments and, of course, the car. Three coats of polish had the bonnet of the car reflecting the blackening sky like a mirror. This afforded me a momentary glimmer of satisfaction. Later I valeted the car inside and out using old favourite aerosol cosmetic valeting products such as Alloy Bright, Back to Black and Dashboard Shine. My aim was to bring the car up to showroom condition and I was patient and thorough. When I’d finished, however, it looked like nothing more than an 11-year-old car that had been valeted.

It was a pleasant change, though, to drive around in a car that no longer smelt of putrefying banana skins and damp dog.