Taki Taki

High life | 21 May 2011

Taki lives the High life

issue 21 May 2011

Orlando

A neutron bomb hit this place just as I got off the aeroplane, killing all humans but leaving the buildings standing. It was a horrid, unpardonable crime, and for it I blame the scientists. But not for the reasons you think. They should have done it the other way round. Kill the buildings, save the humans, however brain-dead they are in Orlando.

I knew we were in trouble the moment I deplaned. There were five of us, two competitors and three coaches. We were in Orlando for the US national judo championships, yours truly defending champion in the 70 and over class. The neutron-bomb landscape was the first thing I noticed after we hired a van at the airport from a woman so dumb she made ugly lower-middle-class female Guardian writers sound like intelligent parrots.

The sterility of the place is the first thing that hits you.

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